I know most people will disagree with me but I actually loved the five year jump idea. Most probably think it was a “jump the shark” moment but I completely disagree. The show was running out of ideas and going five years into the future really opened up a lot of possibilities. Since all the kids are five years older, that sets up a lot of potential storylines. Also, since we have little knowledge of the five years it sets up possible mysteries and shocking twists.
Five years have passed and things are much different on Wisteria Lane. Gaby has two girls, Bree is a local Martha Stewart clone and Katherine helps out, the Scavo twins are now teens, and Susan isn’t with Mike more, she’s with a guy named Jackson.
Gaby deals with her girls’ weight issues and her own self-consciousness. Since she has put on a few pounds and doesn’t look like the model she used to, Edie insults her when she returns. Carlos isn’t worried about the baby weight, but Gaby is. At a party she overhears two moms talking about daughter Juanita’s weight. They think Gaby just can’t say no. Gaby “plays a game” with Juanita to get her to do some exercise. She drives the car just as she approaches so she has to keep running. Juanita gets tired and just catches a ride on a bus. Carlos is upset with this idea but Gaby tells him she feels self-conscious and hopes Juanita never has to be picked on because of her weight.
Porter and Preston, now teenagers, continue with their rule-breaking ways, making Lynette worried. Both set up a casino at the restaurant and get busted gambling and drinking by Lynette. Tom is asked to deal with them for once but he does a horrible job of knocking some sense into them, in fact he actually seems to encourage bad behavior. Lynette thinks he wants to be part of the cool gang since he was a nerd in high school. Tom rescinds the grounding for the homecoming dance that Lynette gave them. Lynette gets back at Tom by letting them go to homecoming…in Tom’s new restored convertible. Tom gets incredibly worried about his “baby” when the twins are 30 minutes past curfew. Tom can’t believe she gave them his convertible. Lynette is just worried that the twins will never grow up. When Porter and Preston arrive, Tom grounds them for a month and wreck part of his car to show them how serious he is about sending them a message.
Bree and Katherine’s catering business has really grown in five years. They are catering for very large parties and Bree has a cookbook coming out soon. Katherine finds out that Bree stole several of her recipes for the book, including some that Bree can’t even make. Bree doesn’t care. When Bree is interviewed for the local news, Katherine sets up a situation where Bree has to finish one of those recipes she can’t make. Unsurprisingly, Bree does a bad job and Katherine upstages her. Towards the end of the episode, we find out that Danielle took Benjamin from Bree because she married a lawyer. At this time, Orson was also gone so Bree turned to her catering business to get over her losses.
Susan gave birth five years ago right next door to a woman named Lyla. They nearly ran into each other on the way out and nearly met each other several times. However, they never met until the night Susan and Mike went out for their anniversary. That day, they literally ran into each other when their cars collided. Susan is fine but Mike is shown bleeding pretty bad before we get back to the present timeline.
Susan is now sleeping with a guy named Jackson. They are having a secret relationship at Susan’s request. Jackson wants to be a couple but Susan isn’t ready. When he is over for another quickie, Lynette almost sees him. Jackson attends Edie’s welcome back party against Susan’s wishes. He tries to make himself known but Susan gets him away from the party goers and tells him her story. She can’t be in a relationship right now because of the accident. We aren’t let in on what happened with the accident until the end of the episode. Mike is alive but they killed both Lyla and her child. Susan can hardly live with herself and is pissed that Mike feels nothing. Mike leaves her but they still share their child. Susan tells Mike that she is seeing someone and he seems happy for her.
Edie returns to Wisteria Lane in her old house when a creepy guy pays a ton of money to the current resident. He doesn’t want to sell so the guy has to force him to take the cash. It turns out that this guy is actually Edie’s husband Dave. Edie announces her return the only way she can, by washing her car in her sexiest clothes. The housewives welcome her but she is still rather mean. However, Dave tells her to stop and apologize and she does. Needless to say, the housewives already love Dave. At her “welcome back” party, Edie is impressed but thinks it is a party to apologize. The housewives think of it as a “we forgive you” party. Edie thinks they were at fault and hated them for the five years she was gone. At the end of the episode, Dave gets a call from a doctor. It turns out that he was released from prison a year ago. He was in the pen due to his rage problems but the charges were dropped as long as he saw a doctor. The doctor is worried because he hasn’t checked in with him. However, Dave tells him that only one person should be worried, somebody on Wisteria Lane.
Quotes
“My daughter doesn’t have a weight problem.” Gaby
“My pies are always perfect.” Bree
“You aren’t going to believe this but SHE’S back.” Susan
“Gaby, I have to ask what the hell happened.” Edie
“I do not have fat DNA.” Carlos
“Starting their own casino was creative.” Tom
“McClusky, You’re still alive.” Edie
